Dating and being Real with the Mindful Self
Most people that know me, know I don't date much. I find it to be fun sometimes, a date I had in April was a lot of fun, we still keep in touch, we are just both very busy and our schedules haven't aligned. Some date are boring sometimes, and anywhere in the middle. A friend keeps telling me I need to put myself out there and I do, now and then, this week was one of those times. I approach it the way I tell clients to. It is just...dinner, or a drink, or a coffee, until it is more than that, IF it gets to more than that.
So this week I had a drink with "some guy" I met on the only dating app I am on. ( I hate on line dating) In a moment of weakness, I went into the app, after many months and looked, matched, sent a message, got a message back and so on. Then talked a bit on the phone, and decided to meet for a drink. So out of my norm, but I thought, what the heck! Why not? In the conversation the question.."What are you looking for?" I also hate that question too, the reason, to me, I am just meeting people to lead to other people and maybe, just maybe, meet someone I want to spend more time with. So my answer was honest, I said.."I am looking for a date". He looked at me quizzically. I explained I don't want an instant relationship. I am looking to go out, have fun, get to know people or a person and see if things lead to something down the line, or not. To me, it was just a drink. He said, good because he was looking for the same. I breathed a sigh of relief and conversed for an hour or so and went home. I thought, he was nice, no butterflies but I will see what comes. I may give him a 2nd meeting, or not, I wasn't really sure.
Then...
Constant texts, the same thing, the I miss you, the "Hey Beautiful", the I miss you, over and over the same texts, have a good day, I hope you slept well, give me a call..I miss you. Did I say he kept saying I miss you? How can you miss me? We just had a drink for a little more than an hour? My stomach clenching, my Scooby sense going..I was honest right? I thought he understood it was just a drink. Even as I write this, I was thinking WHEW, I hadn't gotten the same message "Hope you slept good, call me" text I have been getting multiple times a day since Tuesday, and then...as I write this..I spoke too soon..it came.
In the book, "It is Just an F-ing date" that I wrote about a few weeks ago, it talks about it being just a drink, coffee, dinner, etc. If I am to be very real with myself, this guy won't get a 2nd meeting
. I have told him 3 times, that he is being a bit too pushy and he has not backed off. Neediness is not attractive. Believe me, I have been there myself, but have learned..I am ok..mindfully and honestly, on my own, until, someone comes along, that understands, wants to get to know ME and doesn't want a girlfriend, just for the sake of having a girlfriend.
In every aspect of the mindful self, be true to who you are, what you want from this life...it is OK to just be YOU because YOU are awesome!
Have a great Sunday
Debbie