Change and the Emotional Mind (Otherwise known as My Emotions got away from me)
Change....to many, including myself, this is a horrendous word. Change to me has been both positive and negative, however when I allow it and not fight it, change has always led to a better place. In the moment, of unexpected change, however, the emotional mind can take over and irrational thoughts come flooding. All the old tapes start playing and tears can come streaming. This was my week this week.
Wednesday was a regular day. I worked then went to meet my dance teacher for my lesson. I hadn't seen him for couple of weeks because his schedule had been full and so was mine and he had gotten sick. I had been working with other teachers in between, at his recommendation, and was ready to discuss some goals for future competition work. Then it happened. The words I knew, at some point I would hear, " Debbie, I have something to tell you. I can't be your teacher anymore." I felt flooded with emotion. 6 months prior we had left our old studio under horrendous circumstances, and 6 months prior to that, my old teacher had stopped scheduling me and I had moved over to him for lessons. Here we were, again. I felt sad, angry and went through 4 of the 5 stages of grief in 2 hours. I felt "are you kidding me? I am going through this again? I thought you would give me notice when this happened?" and a myriad of other scenarios that I was feeling. His rationale made sense. His business for his main career had picked up and he wanted me to have consistency, consistency he could no longer provide. Now, 4 days later, I can see it more than I did then. He is an awesome teacher, and I am a better dancer than I was 6 months ago, but...the emotional mind took over and the wise mind that can appreciate him for what he did for me, and understand the reasoning, was not there.
In processing the events of that evening, and feeling how I do. I have good teachers where he set me up to be. Excellent ones. My dancing will continue to grow and I will continue to get better. He did that for me. He did not just say "See you and figure it out" or disappear or just stop scheduling me with a lot of cancellations, which is more or less what happened before. But those old tapes of emotion, the ones that take over, made me so close to packing it in and hanging up my dance shoes.
The emotional mind can be a very powerful thing! The very thing that taps into all of those insecurities that plague each and every one of us.
How to get back to wise mind? Feel how you feel, don't allow others to tell you not to, but also reach out to supports, the friends and family who know you best, a professional if need be, and attempt to look at any change as growth. it may not feel that way in the moment but it always is and once we can accept it, usually it can bring the wise mind back and we can see that change is not horrendous, it is a new chapter of an amazing life.
Debbie